


Impotence

by PeregrineBones



Series: 1994 [3]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Reunion Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 13:37:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7803943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeregrineBones/pseuds/PeregrineBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius is back but all does not go smoothly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impotence

The ancient dark green telephone in the Lupin household sat in a small niche off the pantry. Remus' father had installed it when he first returned to the village of his childhood. After Remus was bitten, Romulus had moved his family to this remote location and opened a muggle greengrocer shop. He had run the business in the village for 30 years, and the tinny ring of the phone still echoed through the house occasionally, mostly neighbors calling to check on poor old Mr. Lupin, who was ailing now that his wife had passed away. Rom was loved and respected in the village, and the old timers, mostly elderly widows themselves, showed their concern with phone calls and the occasional delivery of baked goods and casseroles.

On the morning after Sirius Black returned to him, filthy and shattered, Remus Lupin slipped out of bed as quietly as he could and went downstairs to the telephone. He called the Muggle bookshop where he worked, claiming a family emergency, and promised to be in the next day. Then he rang Baz and Simon's, hoping to catch them before they left for work.

The phone was answered on the third ring. “Baz here.”

“Baz, it’s Remus.” He stopped.

“What is it?”

“Sirius is here”

“Crowley,” said Baz. Quiet on the end of the line. He heard Anya, the baby fussing. He heard Baz murmur to Simon, “Take her a minute, will you?”

Then, “How is he?”

“He's …. a mess. It’s …. been a rough night.”

“Poor baby,” said Baz softly. “You all right?”

“I guess so. I'm…..fine.”

“Meet me for a drink after work?”

“I'm not going in today.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Sure,” sighed Remus, then blurted out, “He has lice.”

“Ewww,” said Baz. Then, “I can bring you something for that. Simon will know what to do.”

“Thanks,” said Remus softly.

“Tomorrow, then,” said Baz. “Half five? The Lion's Gate?” Their local.

“Yeah,” breathed Remus, “See you then,” and he rang off.

He brought tea and toast in to his dad, who stayed in bed most mornings, ignored the questioning look in his eyes and went back upstairs, where Padfoot slumbered on, his nose and paws twitching as he dreamed.

“Let him sleep,” Remus thought, “It's the best thing for him.” He snuggled in next to Padfoot, who whimpered gently but did not wake. Remus suddenly had a lot to do, groceries and cooking, he still wanted to ward the upstairs windows, he wanted to get Simon and Baz out to the house to check the perimeter, their magic was different from his, they would be able to fortify what he had all ready done. Sirius would need a wand as well, he didn't want to leave him alone without one and he had to go back to work tomorrow, he needed this job, needed a good reference from them when he left. Perhaps his Mum's was still around? Wands were expensive, he couldn't afford to buy one right now. He yawned and breathed in Padfoot's doggy scent, relaxed into his warmth. Remus sighed, his breathing slowed and they slept.

*********

Romulus liked to putter around the gardens in the late morning. Though feeble, he could still weed and water and prune a bit, and Remus helped him with most of the heavy tasks. Looking up from his lettuce patch Rom saw the two men approaching unsteadily through the rough grass. From a distance they looked like the teenagers they had once been, both rail thin, Remus's grey hairs not noticeable at a distance, Sirius' hair a shock of black, tumbling about his face the way it had when he was 19. Rom got up creakily and extended a hand to Sirius, then pulled him into a tight hug, feeling his shoulder blades, his ribs, through the fabric of Remus's shirt which hung loosely on his shoulders. He was gaunt but clean, and he met Romulus' eye with genuine warmth. They had always got on, in the old days, and seeing him standing there, Romulus understood his son's urgent need to provide this battered man shelter, to keep him safe.

“D'you need help Dad?” asked Remus softly, and they spent the next two hours weeding peas and planting tomatoes. Working in the garden seemed to sooth Sirius. Rom saw him visibly relax as he worked. The sun was warm, a light breeze was blowing. The air smelled of moist earth and apple blossoms.

By the time they went in to lunch Remus felt hopeful, almost cheerful. Some of the worry that had lodged in his chest like a heavy lump since last night seemed to lighten. The sun had warmed him. Sirius seemed relaxed , his eyes were warm, present. He was trading gentle remarks with Romulus about the weeds, the soil, the weather. Remus made more cheese sandwiches and he made Sirius eat more broth and an egg, which seemed to sit all right. Romulus went to lay down for a nap and Remus tidied the kitchen, then found Sirius sitting by the cold fire in the parlor. He stared into the empty hearth, head in his hands, shoulders hunched, eyes blank.

Thinking about Azkaban thought Remus, grimly. Or... not thinking. Gone to the place he had trained his mind to go, beyond thought or feeling, where the dementors could not reach him.

“All right Sirius?” he asked as gently as he could.

Sirius turned and looked at him with that empty stare. Remus watched the slow kindle of recognition in his eyes as the light gradually returned to them. His face relaxed from a blank mask and then he smiled, his eyes suddenly hopeful, full of warmth. Remus felt the sun come out in his soul with that smile and he thought, "We're here. Whatever happens we're here together, right now." He went to Sirius and kissed his forehead, and whispered in his ear, “Never letting you go.” Sirius smiled again and Remus grabbed his hand. “Come on upstairs for a nap then,” he said and led him out of the parlor.

Upstairs, in his small room, Remus grabbed Sirius and kissed him fiercely, all control gone. Once he started he couldn't stop, all the fear and anxiety of the last twenty four hours, all the the loneliness and need of the last thirteen years, welled up in him and he wanted Sirius, wanted him badly, wanted him now. He smelled like Sirius, his Sirius, the Sirius he remembered, sharp and clean. Sirius was gasping, kissing him back, running his hands through his hair, his arms around Remus' waist, holding him close. Remus undid his shirt buttons, kissing down his chest, finding the old tattoos he knew so well, the dog collar, the Gryffindor lion (Remus had one too) the old animagus tattoo, placed there magically when Sirius was 15. They stumbled over to the small bed, touching everywhere they could and it felt good, so good. Remus lay on top of Sirius, burying himself in his scent, the feel of his warm skin. His erection was hard and urgent, pressing into Sirius. “I love you” he groaned into his ear, biting it and Sirius.... turned away. He shoved Remus off him roughly and turned his back to him.

“What’s the matter, love?” Remus breathed into the side of his head. “What’s wrong?”

“Moony,” Sirius groaned. “I can't.”

“Can't?” repeated Remus, breathing hard. He touched Sirius' cheek and it was wet with tears.

“Moony,” said Sirius, “I can't fuck.”

“Can’t fuck? What….?”

“I'm….. impotent.”

“Impotent?” repeated Remus, blankly, as if he had never heard the word.

”I can't get it up,” said Sirius miserably. “I haven't had a hard on for three years. It….it happens to everyone in there, eventually. You just.....lose interest. It just…..goes away.”

Remus stroked his wet cheeks, suddenly deflated, as Sirius' words sunk in. Sirius was weeping silently, his shoulders shaking. “I didn't want to tell you,” he said at last.

“Oh my poor boy,” Remus said softly. And then, “It doesn't matter.”

“It matters to me.”

“Well it doesn't matter to me. I love you anyway. Nothing is going to change that,” said Remus, suddenly very sure, knowing what he said was true.

“I was hoping seeing you, kissing you, would change it but.... “ he looked down at his crotch ruefully. “Nothing.”

“You're exhausted and half starved. You were with the dementors for twelve years. Let’s get you well and see. All right?”

“I…..” Sirius turned to him, kissing his neck and shoulders, “I could still do you,” he said shyly. “It still feels good to kiss you.” And it did feel good, it felt great actually. They relaxed into the feel and scent of each others bodies as Sirius worked his way down Remus' belly to his cock. Sirius took him in his mouth and Remus gasped at the pure pleasure of it. Sirius knew what to do, he remembered, he knew what Remus liked, but after a minute Remus grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up. He kissed him on the mouth and looked him in the eye.

“Not yet, love,” he said. “Not like that, not now.”

Sirius laid his head on Remus shoulder.

“Let’s just give it a little time,” Remus said, into his hair. “Let’s just see.”

Remus grabbed his chin and tipped his face up and kissed him slowly, gently, enjoying the feel of his mouth, the taste of him. Sirius put his arms around him and drew him close, kissing back, kissing his mouth, his eyes, his jaw. He kissed that soft spot where his heart pulsed in his neck. They stayed like that for a long time, slow, sensuous, their breath rising and falling together, nerves tingling and alive. Outside a spring rain started falling, the patter of it loud on the roof. The scent of rain filled the room. The light had gone pearly.

“It’s kind of romantic like this anyway,” said Remus at last. “Remember when we were boys? We'd snog and snog and get so worked up and we couldn't figure out what to do next? You got so frustrated you finally asked me if I'd ever wanked.” Remus smiled at the memory. He felt so soft and tender right now, open, the urgent desire he had felt earlier replaced by this deep sensuality, the need to love, to cherish, to feel every bone, every muscle, every inch of skin.

Sirius gave a snort of laughter. “Yeah, well I was wanking like five times a day and you seemed... completely oblivious to what was going on down below.”

“I wasn't oblivious,” said Remus, with a gentle laugh. “Just terrified.” He grew hard again at the memory of those days, of the sweaty desperate passion, the wild joy, as they had discovered each other's bodies for the first time. He rocked himself into Sirius' thigh. Sirius rocked back and they stayed like that for a long moment.

“Well, we worked it out before too long, at any rate,” said Sirius finally, with another snort of laughter.

Remus propped himself up on one elbow and looked at him, shifting gears “Sirius” he said. “I have to go to work tomorrow.”

“Work?” repeated Sirius. It was his turn to stare blankly.

“I hate to leave you, I really do, but I can't afford to lose this job. I'll...I'll be home for supper and Dad will be here. You'll be all right, I think,” said Remus anxiously.

Sirius just looked at him, said nothing, His eyes were getting that faraway look again.

“Hold on a minute, I just thought of something,” said Remus getting out of bed, his trousers still half on. They really hadn't gotten very far, he thought ruefully. He went into his parent's old bedroom. It was a dark, cool room on the north side of the house. A big, high old fashioned bed was built into one corner. The walls were lined with books to the ceiling. Remus didn't go into it much. His mother had died in this room and it felt haunted to him, though the bed was large and comfortable and his father didn't use it anymore. He couldn't even climb the stairs to get in here. There was an alcove built in to the west wall with a chair where his mother used to sit and watch the sunset when she was too weak to get downstairs anymore. The rain was still pattering on the roof and twilight was falling. Remus opened a drawer in a bedside table, rummaged for a moment and found what he was looking for. He returned to his room where Sirius waited in the semi-dark.

“Here,” he said to Sirius handing him the slender object.

“What....is it?”

“It’s my Mum's wand. I.….I don't want you to be alone without a wand tomorrow. In case anything happened. It might not.....be safe.” Sirius took the wand and held it, wonderingly. He hadn't held a wand in 13 years.

“Try it,” said Remus with a smile.

Sirius waved the wand and a few blue sparks flew out. “ACCIO, SHIRT!” he said gruffly and Remus' shirt, abandoned earlier, came sailing over their heads and into Sirius' outstretched hand. A slow grin spread over Sirius' face, his eyes alive and sparkling.

“AGUERIO!” said Sirius and a squirt of water jetted out of the end of the wand and hit Remus in the eye. “Hey!” Remus shouted, but he was grinning as he wiped his face with his hand.

“TULEREMIUS!” shouted Sirius and 3 tiny bluebirds fluttered out of the end of the wand and flew away through the open window.

Sirius couldn't stop laughing. He loved Moony and Moony loved him. In spite of everything, in spite of how broken he was, Moony still loved him. His heart was full of love and his fingers were full of magic. He was warm and safe and clean, there was food and a soft bed here and Moony and a wand. His dog's heart had never strayed, not really, not ever. He could never stop loving Moony, they were imprinted on each other. He had loved Moony since he was thirteen, when he had sat by his bed in the infirmary, with Remus tiny and pale after a change, and Sirius desperate inside to do something, anything to make him better.

The happiness bubbled out from his chest, to his fingertips and he felt the magic coursing through him and he waved the wand once more and shouted, “EXPECTO PATRONUM!” A silver wolf leapt from his wand, illuminating the dusky room. It circled around Remus and Sirius three times, then jumped out the window into the rainy evening and disappeared.

Remus laughed and grabbed both his hands and kissed him on the mouth. But Sirius had one more spell in him.

'”ESCRIPTUS!” he shouted, and wrote with his wand, in big purple letters that shimmered in the air, “I love you Moony.” The letters hung there a moment and then disappeared with a pop in a puff of purple smoke.

Remus laughed again. He grabbed Sirius around the waist and whispered, “You big girl, you,” into his ear. Sirius just smiled and put the wand away in his pocket. Then they went downstairs together to scrounge something for tea.


End file.
